Finding Meaning within Motherhood

As women we grow up believing that our worth is based on how good we are as daughters, and friends.  Those of us that choose to have children then see their value based on how good they are as mothers and then grandmothers.  Mothers who have aspirations outside of motherhood feel guilty because it is not their time to persue their own dreams.  Motherhood is when you are meant to live and breathe your children's every whim and if you are lucky enough to squeeze in a hour here or an afternoon there for yourself you justify it to no end.  The outside world has a set of constructs that are acceptable for women to be guided by. Successful women are criticized for not making the time to make their children number one. I'm not a religious person.  I don't believe that God has to be put in the confines of the definition I grew up as a catholic learning.  I am a spiritual person, I live from spirit and I believe in a power I call God that is greater than myself. I believe spirituality is living with an open heart.   As I move along my spiritual path I am able to see that I have reached  a phase in my life that I have begun to be guided by something greater than myself.  My inner self has been put on a shelf for a while and I am being called.  As a busy mother, most days I find it hard to hear what the calling is, but I know it is there.  I have a deep inner knowing that I am here for a greater purpose and that motherhood is one facet of who I am as a spirit.  Why do mother's feel guilt for that?  Even as I type these words there's still an inner voice of guilt.  Like because I am saying that I believe there is more to my life than being a mother I don't love my children enough.  As a mother, because I derive pleasure from things separate from my kids, I musn't be a very good mother.  Why do we quiet the voice that says within us "I am here."  She is there within all of us, we ignore her.  I have ignored her and I see many of my friends and family do the same. 

In the "morning" of all of our lives as mothers we are striving and working and hoping and crying and carpooling and cooking and cleaning and hovering.  Much much later I have seen women arrive at the "afternoon" of their lives and they look in the mirror and there looking back at them is a person they do not recognize.  For so long they have put the needs of others ahead of their own.  For years they feel guilty for wanting to be alone in quiet solitude.  I am awakening to an idea that it's possible to be a wonderful parent, who is also spiritually connected, living with an open heart and living "on purpose." I have been inspired by the idea that instead of hovering over our childs every move let them develop their own inner self awareness.  What a wonderful gift to our children in fact to see their parents living in a way where they are able to see that anything is possible.  What a blessing to our daughters, to my little girl, to see that although it is in her inherent nature to take care of all the needs of others at the tiny age of 4, it's okay if she is called to shift to "something more."  It does not make her less of a woman, less of mother if she listens to her inner voice a little more and shifts to living a life that has meaning to her.  Being present and living a life of fulfillment is valuable.  In simply living from a place of spirit her life has meaning and she is already good enough just as she is. A little voice is whispering to me that its okay to choose motherhood and to choose "me" too.

A home of ones own

Photo: My new throw pillows, loved the damask print in the center pillow mixed with the striped pattern

"If you want a golden rule that will fit everything, this is it: Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful."
William Morris

I went to visit my friend Kelly last night who just purchased her first home with her husband Dave. (exciting!) It's an adorable little bungalow and they purchased it knowing that it needed a lot of cosmetic touches to make it their own. A conversation came up about this built in bench at the door way of Kelly's new home, another friend there said if it were me "I'd rip it out." Kelly responded with something along the lines of "well I was planning on adding some baskets underneath and a nice fabric covered seat cover", "I think it adds character." I was like "Hooray! for character." So here they go, on the same journey I have seen many of my friends (myself included) go through over the past couple of years. Buying that older, "fixer upper", and starting from scratch. Now this can be a very stressful process. When we bought our house it was so dated, and old. We moved in ripped out all the carpet, painting every inch of walls, trims, baseboards and ceilings. Over the past couple of years we have renovated our bathroom and kitchen and ripped out a wall separating the kitchen from the living room to make it open concept. When we first moved in, like so many of my friends, we chose a neutral palette. This tends to be an easy route, especially when you are essentially starting from scratch. We chose a couple paint colours, similar to benjamin moores Shaker Beige throughout. Painted the cabinets: contractors white. Trim: contractors white. Couch: Beige sectional. Yes, I was guilty of this boring decorating "dilemma" as I like to call it. It's like many people of my generation have lost the ability to be creative and add all of those little touches that make a home a home. I see alot of brown or black leather couches, beige walls, not too much on the walls, stainless steel appliances. Each of these houses looking staged for an open house, but who lives here?

Photo: This is an example of this type of decorating so typical of people I know. Yes, its nice, but seems so typical.

Slowly over the past year or so, on my simple abundance journey I have realized some things about myself and the things that I feel make a house a home. What is character? It's the little touches. It's the cute little built in's that are original to the home. Many of the new houses that people buy today "cookie cutter" houses lack these little details that they have in older homes. However, it doesn't mean character can't be added to newer homes with accessories, paint and all the little details. Of course we all want our houses to be aesthetically pleasing, we like things to match and blend. We do need to listen to what makes our heart skip a beat, and think less about what matches. "Staged" homes are not for living in.

Photo: I loved these towels found on etsy (the shabby chic cottage)
I realized that I am drawn to the comforts and cozy feelings that the country/cottage bring to me. I like the character of vintage vases, weathered and distressed furniture, painted furniture, beautiful handmade quilts, patterns mixed with patterns; like stripes and florals combined. I like cute little whimsical decorations like my silver pear, and this new sign I bought for my bathroom door that is shabby chic looking and it says "Toilette." I love fancy perfume bottles, and fresh flowers in every corner. I love yellow, and pink, and turquoise. Chandaliers, wicker baskets, decorative birds, damask and toile.

Photo: These little beadboard birds are found at The Shabby Chic Cottage on etsy.com. I may order them for the shelf in my kitchen.

Take yourself on a creative excursion, and browse through a home decor store or second hand store. You don't need to buy. Take a notebook if you want. Take notes about what really calls to you. Listen to yourself, this takes practice. Have a browse on www.etsy.com and have a look at the beautiful handmade items or vintage housewares. I invite all of you to begin to make your home your own. I realize that the beadboard birds may be hideous to some, and I'm not suggesting that a shabby chic style is for everyone but you need to find out what is your style. Please join me in my revolution against living in a "staged home."

Photo: Love Love this Jadeite plate reproduced into a clock. www.etsy.com

"Style in a Snap"

Photo: These are the exact pair I have, the flower/jewel snap comes with this pair

Just before Christmas I was introduced to these cute little shoes by someone and I fell in love and instantly added them to my Christmas list. These Ballet flats by Lindsay Phillips allow you to change the embellishment literally in a snap! Not to mention these shoes fit like a dream, like a slipper they are extremely comfortable. You can purchase new snaps for your shoes for about $14.99 and voila! New Shoes!

One of the parents at the school I work at got me the above posted snaps as a end of the year gift in June.

I also have the snaps as pictured above I don't have the shoes in gold or black yet (they also come in bronze and leopard print) but I definitely will soon! How fun are these shoes! People stop me to compliment me on them all the time! I recommend these shoes big time!

www.switchflops.com