Monday, January 15, 2018

Dear life

Dear life,
I sure do miss you, it seems like way too long.
I miss your breath against my skin, laughter with my head thrown back from deep in my belly. I want to sing with you again, the most harmonious duet that will bring people to their feet. Let's create a standing ovation.
Come with me and we'll take a new journey. Dance the waltz with me in that pink twirly dress I've always wanted to wear.
Swim with me in the cerulean sea amongst a kaleidoscope of fish who race between us and tickle our cheeks with their fins.
Meet me in the depths of the forest and we'll walk arm in arm and tell our deepest secrets. Follow me and we'll climb the steepest hills till we reach the very top and we'll sit at the edge of the earth and dangle our feet.
I'll rest my head on your shoulder and you'll lovingly brush the hair from my eyes so the gorgeous view is perfectly clear.
Run with me in a field of bright red poppies and daisies and blue cornflowers towards that little farm in the countryside and watch the herd of sheep graze and name them one by one.
Come sit with me on that farmhouse porch that wraps itself all the way around. Swing with me under it's gabled roof and watch as the sun sets.
Hold me in your warm embrace, as I rest my face against your beating heart and cry tears of joy. Pull me in tighter and whisper in my ear that you'll never leave me again. Feel my heart that beats now to the rhythm of gratitude and love and awareness.
Intertwined with you I'm drunk on the countless possibilities, smiling with a sense of youth in my bones, the addictive taste of nostalgia in your kiss and the tingling sensation of the entire universe in my fingertips.
I'll meet you with the same elation of that very first kiss, the first glance of my babies sweet face, the feeling of hearing a song for the first time and the melody takes your breath away.
Our time together is limited
Let's sneak away and indulge in this passionate love affair and vow that from this day forward we'll never again take a single breath for granted.

Monday, January 8, 2018

The Answer

I sit here with an urge to write. I'm learning again to follow that whisper to grab a pen when the call comes.  My voice is returning, and I welcome her with open arms. This call to write comes with an intense realization that every single day up till this very moment I thought I was living my truth but I've been living up to the truth of the Tammy everyone needs me to be. Carefully treading, forever tip toeing, eternally silenced to make every one else feel at ease. Lately as more of my world falls away, as I cut more ties, I realize I have been living in a way that no longer serves me well. The time is now to choose me and I'm scared as hell. I look in the mirror with everything completely stripped away and I hardly recognize my own self.
The winds of change are blowing faster than I can keep up with, with fear as wings I find myself in uncharted territory. Learning a new way of living, uncovering layers of conditioned responses, feeling naked and exposed. Learning with surprise that loyalty is only to be valued if it allows you to live in your truth, that not every damn person deserves your heart, that it's ok to say you're not ok and it's ok to not have the answers today.
I'm also learning however, if you're quiet enough the answers are there in the silence spaces between the chaos. The answers are in the stirring thoughts that keep you up at twilight's hour. The Answer is in the lyrics that bring you to unexpected tears. The Answer is where you long to be when you're a long way from home. The Answer lies in the embrace of those that make you feel at home. The Answer is in your greatest fear. The Answer lies before you when every way you distracted and numbed yourself is ripped away. The Answer is what flows from your pen when you're called.